So I went to my family doctor for a check up. Apparently he wanted to make sure I wasn’t suicidal, or to terribly unstable. I went and didn’t cry this time so I think it was a win for this crazy person. We talked about my therapy and how it was going. I said I didn’t feel like it was working, be told me to stick with it and if I didn’t like the therapist to try another one. Something about trying them out till I get the right fir for me…or something like that. Maybe that is all I need to do, find a different one. Maybe it’s just a wrong fit, maybe I should keep trying. That’s for another thought thread, for this second I have something else weighing on my brain.
My doctor gave me home homework. When I was telling him the therapy was not working like I thought it would, he told me when he was having a hard time he read these two books and they helped give him a new perspective. Okay, I like new perspectives, so I left his office and headed to Half Price Books. I am not a reader really because I suck at it, but I want to try my best to not have this anxiety anymore and if reading will help then I will do it! After asking the folks at the bookstore for help I found that they had one of the books. The other I had to order on Amazon.
I took my new treasure home, plopped down on the sofa and read while my husband slept. The book was about a man/doctor that was a prisoner in a concentration camp. It was called “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Victor Frankl. I read that book in just a couple of days, and it really got me to thinking about a few things. First I had never read a book so fast. Second we all have a purpose here, and I want to find mine. Third, we all have shitty experiences in life, the real question is are we…am I going to succumb to my circumstances or rise above them. Forever I have thought I had no reason for being, now I am reconsidering. I don’t know what my purpose is, maybe it is to be a good caregiver, maybe its to be a great photographer, maybe its to be a good person.
The second book came in as I was wrapping up the first one and I really liked but I only got to the third chapter and have not gotten any farther…yet.
In session I just don’t like talking to her. I like her advice, but I don’t think therapy is my thing and I think she knew that too. I don’t have any notes for today other than to say I quit. I have a few things to think about.